The festive season can be nerve-racking for those of us who are on the Sober Path. On top of the usual holiday stressors, parties abound (family, work, friends—you name it) and alcohol-laden entertainment is more prevalent than ever. While it is perfectly normal to experience trepidation and a certain amount of FOMO (fear of missing out) during this challenging period, there are a number of things we can do to take care of ourselves. Combining ancient Buddhist wisdom with widespread recovery tips is one way of ensuring that we are prepared and stay the course.
The path
It is important to make a list of the specific reasons we have chosen the Sober Path. This is commonly referred to as our “WHY” in recovery groups. Perhaps we hit rock bottom and experienced a significant wake-up call, such as a health scare, the loss of a job, or getting a DUI (driving under the influence charge). Then again, our reasons for giving up alcohol and other addictive substances may be more subtle: a desire to wake up with a clear mind; to be more patient with family and friends; to keep promises to ourselves and others; to follow through with hobbies that fell to the wayside; to take control of our health and treat our bodies with respect. Whatever our reasons may be for choosing this path, making an inventory and keeping physicals reminders helps solidify our resolve. It can also deter us should cravings or doubts arise. This could mean creating a voice recording on our phone, sticking a post-it note on our mirror, or annotating the inside of a favorite book. The important thing is to revisit our WHY regularly so that our dedication to the Sober Path remains at the forefront of our hearts and minds.
The mantra
One of the most stressful aspects of sobriety is the prospect of how people will react when we turn down (what used to be) our favorite alcoholic beverages. This is especially true if we are relatively new to recovery. While most people will respond to our lifestyle change with indifference or genuine curiosity, there are others who will tease, pressure, and even criticize our decision. It is therefore key to have what I call a “recovery mantra” in place: a sentence we have at the ready when the time inevitably comes to decline alcoholic drinks. When coming up with our mantra, we can pick whatever is most easeful for us. There is no need to go into specific details, to overshare, or even to be truthful. Some ideas include: “I’m in recovery,” “I’m training for a marathon,” “I don’t drink for health reasons,” or “I don’t drink because I am not good at it!”
Whatever we pick, we stick with it and practice it like a mantra, repeating it in our minds and out loud to ourselves or someone we trust. The more we do this, the easier it will become to uphold our boundaries when faced with social pressures because our mantra automatically rolls off our tongue.
The sangha
Belonging to a community of like-minded people is a key component of Buddhism, and this is also the case when it comes to recovery. While some of us may be able to attend our annual holiday gatherings, others may need to minimize or even avoid what can be breeding grounds for temptation. Either way, there is no denying that the changing parameters of our social lives can leave us feeling uncomfortable and isolated. To counteract this, we can surround ourselves with people who share our challenges and values. Whether we are staying put or heading out of town, we could try connecting with other sober people at events or even bring a sober friend along for the ride.
If this is not an option, we attend local AA, NA, or MA meetings; there are also many online recovery platforms that offer daily meetings. Alternatively, we can stock up on recovery literature and podcasts, and even seek out inspiring interviews from sober celebrities we admire. As it is often said in the recovery community, “The opposite of addiction is human connection.” We may feel lonely at times, but there is no need to be alone on our journeys.
It may also be helpful to keep in mind the Buddha’s teaching that suffering is universal. After all, while others may not share our same addictive tendencies, it is likely that they also have their own struggles with attachment and cravings. Planning ahead and meeting our own needs during the holiday periods is therefore a valuable gift not only to ourselves, but to our loved ones as well. Because the more we take care of ourselves and do this inner work, the greater our capacity becomes to treat others with compassion and to show up brightly in the world.
Nina Müller is a mindfulness practitioner who offers online mindfulness coaching sessions. If you would like to find out more, please visit The Mindful Practice to book a complimentary consultation.
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